Empty Places, Empty Spaces
by Shawn Knight
Summary: S7. Feel like the Big Intervention should have been different? A woulda-shoulda-coulda that really should've been.


Empty Places, Empty Spaces  
  
By Shawn Knight  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary/Spoilers: Season 7, Empty Places. What could have happened. What should have happened. Instead, we are stuck with what did happen. Damn.  
  
Dedication: To My Beta. And for all the fans of an old and true great friend that has been there for all of us for over seven long years. Thanks Nick, we'll miss you buddy. Long live the X.  
  
*********  
  
"Well?"  
  
All he could do was sigh. Buffy had just unveiled her newest master plan against the First. To say that it wasn't met with any enthusiasm would be putting it mildly. She looked around, obviously expecting everyone to be all gung-ho. But like the old expression says, the silence was deafening. He shrugged, and struggled to his feet, ignoring the quiet protests of those in his area. He was tired, yes. The medication was really relaxing, and the constant stress and ache of the past couple days left him running on empty. It didn't matter now. He was needed, if not wanted. He cleared his throat. Everyone's attention turned from the Slayer to him.  
  
"Hey Buff," He looked at her resolutely with his remaining eye, exhaled again. "Gotta minute?"  
  
She blinked, surprised. He could see the request threw her for a loop, buying a few extra seconds. He'd take any edge he could get.  
  
"I need to speak with you, alone." His voice automatically changed to the Command-voice he used often while at work. The voice he first learned during the summer, when Buffy was gone, and perfected at Graduation. It was accompanied by his adaptation of Willow's infamous resolve face, squared. The whole package was backed with the steel he found in himself on Kingman's Bluff. He might need more of the same tonight.  
  
Buffy nodded, absently, too perplexed to mount any opposition yet. He smiled internally.  
  
He walked, hiding his pain and fatigue as much as he could, to the center of the room. He faced the group, seeing everyone and everything Buffy refused to see. The fear in their eyes, the anger, the distrust, the lack of confidence. He smiled, trying to project reassurance. He could feel the tension lessen a bit. Maybe Caleb was right. . "Hey everybody," he raised his hands slightly. "If you don't mind, Buffy and I are gonna have a little chat." His smile became a grin. "Don't worry, we'll be back before you can say Shiver me Timbers or I sprout a Peg Leg with a matching Parrot."  
  
He heard a small, slight chuckle echo, more tension released. He locked his gaze on Giles for a moment, willing him to know what he was about to do, silently asking for his counsel. To his credit, Giles understood.  
  
"Yes, of course, Xander. That is a good idea. The rest of us will simply review our current information while we wait. Willow, Faith?" They both straightened.  
  
Satisfied, he turned to Buffy, still projecting reassurance. She looked a little flabbergasted, a bit defensive, certainly angry. She said nothing, yet. But he could see she was just biting her tongue, maybe out of respect for his sacrifice? Guilt for not staying at the hospital earlier? He wasn't sure. Either way, he'd take it.  
  
Together, they moved toward the basement, walking down the steps. Buffy paced like a caged animal. He sat on the bed, leaning against the wall. He was tired, but this needed to happen now, not later. She whirled on him, trying to pin him with her glare.  
  
"Okay, Xander. What the hell was that?"  
  
He remained calm. "Why don't you lay out your whole plan for me?"  
  
Her eyes narrowed. "Well, its like I STARTED to say upstairs." She crossed her arms across her chest almost petulantly before continuing. "Caleb and the First are almost always at the Vineyard. They're hiding something, and if we go get it, we can end this."  
  
He looked pensive, before tilting his head. "What makes you think that?"  
  
She glared at him again, condescendingly. "Well, all the big bads go where their power is."  
  
He leaned forward, raised his visible eyebrow. "Name one?"  
  
She gestured impatiently, drawing a blank for a moment, before trying to rally. "ADAM." She looked smug.  
  
Xander shook his head. "He was a cyborg soldier, the Initiative is where they kept Intel on him, as well as any backup power sources and he was preparing for an assault. Of course, he was going to be there. Next?"  
  
She was flustered again, not expecting logic. "Well. um."  
  
"We could run down the list, Buff, but there isn't really anyone major we faced that lived somewhere for the sole reason of guarding their mojo."  
  
She glared, accepting defeat by changing the subject. "Okay, fine. But we're wasting time."  
  
"Did he say something to you about it?"  
  
She rolled her eyes. "No. Doesn't matter right now, anyway."  
  
He cocked his head. "'Doesn't matter,' Buffy." He grimaced for a moment, holding out a hand, ticking off items as he spoke. "You don't know if there is anything, what it might be, or where it is." He looked at her again, checking to see if she was still listening. "Don't know if it's a thing we can use or something we should destroy right there. That's a lot of 'don't know's,'Buff, but you still want to go barging in again."  
  
"Look." She began, but he cut her off.  
  
"Again, I ask you. What makes you think something's there?"  
  
"I just know, okay, my instincts say so." She was looking mighty pissy.  
  
He shook his head. "Not good enough."  
  
She looked deeply offended. She scowled. "What, you can't trust me all of a sudden?"  
  
He exhaled, settling his nerves. "It's not that, Buff. You just can't expect to lead us all back down to our personal little 'Alamo' based on a case of 'it just seemed like a good idea at the time?'"  
  
Her eyes blazed, her hands were on her hips. "So the past 7 years mean nothing now? Everything I've done, ON INSTINCT, Xander," dragging out her words with scorn. "Every monster I beat just gets tossed out the window?" She was practically spitting her words.  
  
Still calm. "That's a nice scar you got there, Buff."  
  
She touched her scar reflexively, caught off-guard by the apparent non- sequitor. "Huh?"  
  
"What I mean is that you faced Caleb today. You lost. And what this whole thing is about is that you feel angry and embarrassed and you want some get- back. For the other night. For today." He gestured to his patch. "For this." He leaned forward, locking her gaze. "Am I right?"  
  
Her mouth opened and closed a few times, trying to counter his statement. He could see her teeth grinding, grimacing in frustration. She exhaled, turned away.  
  
"Maybe." Her voice sounded softer, more like the girl he knew rather then the dictator he didn't. He patted the space next to him; she sat down grudgingly. He turned to her.  
  
"Look, Buffy," he sighed. "It's not that I don't appreciate the sentiment. It's just that I can remember another time when I saw you like this, and I don't think CPR will do it this time around."  
  
She lowered her head, lost in her memories for a moment. He put his arm around her; she laid her head on his shoulder in response, conceding the argument.  
  
"You're right, Xander. He hurt you. Hurt all of us. Some in a permanent kind of way." She shrugged in his half-caress. "I just wanted to make him lose something. Make him pay a little bit." He squeezed her slightly in thanks.  
  
"I get that, Buffy, and I appreciate it. But if you go up there with this as your plan, you'll be going alone." She pulled back, surprised. "If you haven't noticed, you're losing your army, General."  
  
She looked at him, wide-eyed. "But."  
  
"Don't think no one's noticed how you've been pulling away from everybody lately while taking us for granted." He squeezed her shoulder again. "You're scared, Buffy, we all are, but pushing us away isn't the answer."  
  
She sighed deeply. "I'm just tired of losing people I care about. Mom, Tara, Giles, Angel." She closed her eyes in remembered pain. "It just feels like the world's back on my shoulders, except it's even heavier this time, and I can't let anybody get close. If I do, and I end up losing them, I might really lose it, lose everything. Even the thought makes me feel so. hollow."  
  
He turned her head back to him. "I understand the feeling, believe me. I remember feeling so empty after you. died." She looked at him sympathetically. "But the problem, Buff, is that you cut yourself off so far from the Potentials that they think you don't care. They don't know you like we do. They've heard the stories, but it's a Show-Me, what-have- you-done-for-me-lately, kind of world, Buff. And the only thing we've showed is how to trap one Uber-Vamp."  
  
"So 'cause I don't get all buddy-buddy, they don't trust me?" She scoffed without any real energy. She looked almost afraid of his answer.  
  
"They still trust you, somewhat," he tried to reassure her, though he could see she wasn't buying it. "But they are very scared. Like we all are. And they worry, because you make them feel the Council made you feel: like a tool, an easily expendable tool."  
  
She closed her eyes tightly, swallowing. "That's not what I was trying to do."  
  
"I know, Buffster. But that's the way they feel. And if you go up there, still being all cold, distant, Queen-Dictator, and all half-cocked with no real strategy, I guarantee you're going to lose them."  
  
She shook her head sadly. "Damn, I really screwed up huh?"  
  
He shrugged. "It's not too late. You just need to remember that we are a team, Buff. You've kinda been forgetting that lately. We've always beaten the odds, because we are a team." He squeezed her shoulder again. "And a family."  
  
She looked at her oldest friend and smiled slightly. "So what can I. we do now?"  
  
He grinned. "Well, first, I happen to think there may be something at the Vineyard."  
  
She jumped away from his shoulder, looking at him incredulously. He laughed.  
  
"Yeah, I saw your point. There is a possibility they are hiding something. I just wanted to know if you thought it through."  
  
She looked sheepish, face flushed slightly red. "Well, thanks loads, Xan." Her voice dripped with mock-sarcasm. She had to chuckle.  
  
He winked. "Why you're welcome, Buffster. So why don't you run upstairs and get the whole team, including Faith, Robin and Dawn, and we can brainstorm till we got a plan?" His face turned serious. "Later, once we get done, um, storming our brains and all, you might want to apologize. They need to hear it, and you need to say it." He stroked her shoulder as he felt her tense. "And find some time to get to know them a bit, it'll be worth it in the long run, however long it turns out to be."  
  
She looked at him, tightening her lips and sighed, nodding agreeably. She left his embrace and rose. She started to head for the steps before turning back. He looked at her quizzically. She leaned down and kissed his cheek softly.  
  
"What was that for, Buff?" He flushed a bit. "Not that I'm complaining."  
  
She smiled at him. "For always being there. For being a true friend, even when I make it really damned difficult." She leaned down again, hugged him tightly. "For being you."  
  
He smiled, feeling his eye water a bit. "You are welcome, and you are more than worth it." She released him and headed up the stairs with more bounce in her step then he'd seen in a while. Maybe the weight of the world had gotten just a bit lighter.  
  
The End 


End file.
